Why should you entrust me with your email address? Will I not Spam you? Well, spam costs money. It might not taste like meat, but it definitely legally is. And the can costs money too. So, I will not be sending you Spam, because the point of this email list is so I can market to/extract money from you. Not spend money and shipping costs sending you Spam. That crap's not free. You want Spam? Go to Hawaii. They got lots there.

Your email will only be used to send you amusing letters 1-2 times a decade* or to share exclusive betas, promotions, secret games, and events. Each letter is carefully crafted and amusing. And we will never sell or share your email address with anyone except as required by law. Mainly because, like, why? Have you checked prices for selling emails these days? It's pathetic. You can get like 6x more for selling a human liver. Not that we put subliminal messaging in our letters getting people to give us stuff or buy our products. Neither we nor any other MegaCoropration would ever admit to doing such a thing.